Starburst Moonshine

As we grow up, we learn not to do certain things:Like wear a pink shirt on free dress day at school.Or to expect the guy who you had a one night stand with last week to text you back – ever!Or to hang around Hampstead Heath at night.It would seem that SLB’s unassuming housemate never got those memos.Self-titled, other-worldly Starburst, from the planet Bizarre, was several years younger than SLB, and as such had never ventured into the world of sex. SLB started young remember. No, Starburst, a ray of tranquil naivety in a world of debauchery and hedonism, still had her flower of innocence very much in tact. But then, this is the girl who thought it was ‘cute’ when a boy stayed over till breakfast. This is the girl who likes to surprise SLB with tea and toast when he is hung over and curled up in the ‘faecal position’ on the couch. Starburst, a rabid musical theatre enthusiast, wouldn’t know her libido from her libretto, and probably wouldn’t know an orgasm if it hit her on the head. This was a dangerous place to be for Starburst, as she was about to hit a milestone- her first date. And SLB, armed with Schnapps and concerned that she would never lose her V-Plates due to her odd hippy-ish tendencies, needed to rectify the situation. He felt it his duty to educate her on the wily ways of the male sex. He encouraged Starburst to have sex on the first date for fear boys might think that she was a prude. He also suggested that if Starburst should ever meet a boy’s parents, to end the relationship, as the fun was over. That sort of activity should take place after at least five years of sexual misadventure! But after three hours of sexual mis-education, and more Schnapps (during which SLB tried to explain what sodomy was through a series of diagrams and finger puppets), Starburst still confused cunnilingus for someone who was clever at languages. Alas.The next day, Starburst met her destiny. And her date. Ignoring all sartorial advice from SLB, Starburst was determined to brave London’s less than forgiving winter in what appeared to be an unhealthy blend of bag lady chic and something that looked like one of the tea cosies 85 year old Peggy from next door liked to knit.Poor Starburst. SLB does hope she finds love…or at least some meaningless sex. Perhaps she’ll meet an exotic Japanese man and spend the rest of her days on a Hawaiian Island where flowers open freely and generously…and cherries pop daily.