T.O.M.

T.O.M. demands that each letter of his name fall individually from the lips of those who utter it…It would be tiresome to introduce a new character to the colourful Slutty London Column every week, but it’s just that T.O.M. is so…F.I.T.T.O.M. does not stand for anything, nor is he an abbreviation or a pseudonym. T.O.M. is so much greater that he deserves more than the one syllable his otherwise over-too-soon Christian name provides. Each letter of T.O.M. represents one third of the most eligible bachelor in England. He was funny. He was sexy. He was kind. He was T.O.M.Fawning over T.O.M. was not solely restricted to boys, however, which is sometimes the case when a girl’s gaydar clangs in her ears telling her to give up on her gay friends for fear it will end up as another vain attempt at misguided romance resulting in Green & Blacks chocolate, Tesco biscuits, Bridget Jones’ Diary, and heartbreak. Zoey was reduced to giggling school girl status when T.O.M. was around and even Starburst thought T.O.M. was ‘spiffing’, which was saying something.T.O.M., an actor, enters the Slutty London world fresh from a messy break-up at the Edinburgh Festival (something about a surprise trip from his boyfriend gone wrong). SLB, having predicted the demise of the relationship from the outset, acted as any good friend would and relished comforting T.O.M. with the aforementioned chocolate, biscuits, and a certain wanton sex goddess. Like an even better friend, SLB also relished setting himself up with T.O.M.Typically, SLB is impatient and demanding. Irrational, but methodical. Slutty, yet endearing. So his cunning ways had seen him plant the seed of attraction over the last few months. We call it ‘ground work’ in the industry. The week following T.O.M.’s break-up then, had seen SLB engineer a situation that both parties would be interested in. One that T.O.M. couldn’t say “no” to, which he didn’t. Something seemingly innocent, but deadly. The scene: Bar Soho. The occasion: Snaring a new love interest. Having had a stressful day shopping, SLB was suffering from a migraine, so it took no more than two white wine spritzers, a moodily lit lounge room and a slovenly looking chaise lounge to get SLB in the mood. Before he knew it, SLB had straddled T.O.M. and T.O.M. had surrendered. SLB’s throbbing headache was now being put to better use elsewhere in his body. Having made out like naughty little boys behind the bike shed and just about spoiling the chaise lounge in the throngs of orgasmic conniptions, they hurried back to T.O.M.’s beautiful Southgate flat.The sex was wild. T.O.M. was adventurous and SLB (slutty as ever) was willing to bend and succumb. T.O.M. proved to be more than fulfilling in the bedroom department and more than adequate in the pants division, which made for the hottest romp SLB had encountered…in weeks. SLB doesn’t usually swallow (filthy habit). He made the exception for T.O.M.Wrapped in T.O.M.’s strong, lithe arms the next morning, SLB knew he had done good.And on more than one occasion over the ensuing months, T.O.M. would satisfy more than a third of SLB’s rapacious thirst for naughty nights and dangerous days…