Threesome

It’s a well known fact that if you go looking for something, you will never find it.And it goes without saying, that those of us deliberately feigning interest in some tosser at All Bar One, in the hope of a one night stand are destined for a life on the shelf.So it would come as a complete shock to SLB that his first encounter with the sexual phenomenon known as the threesome, should originate in a place he wasn’t even looking for sex…a lesbian bar!At a friend’s birthday, SLB had resigned himself to what should have been a rare night of abstinence as he gazed around at all the fans of the red lagoon. Lesbians. Is there a dress code? All was looking grim until SLB’s gaze fell upon Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee. Clearly the only two gays in the village. Sipping on their Malibu and coke, SLB got aimlessly chatting to the two friends, but, rarely a fan of idle chit chat, SLB opted to leave early, when it transpired that Tweedle Dum lived near SLB and would offer him a lift home in the car instead. Automobiles. A novel idea. The car ride to where SLB was staying in Kings Cross was pleasant enough, with witty banter running rife. Tweedle Dee, it seemed, was your average sauna going, pill popping, Richard and Judy watching, sex as a birthright, run of the mill kind of gay; whereas Tweedle Dum was more reserved, fashionably androgynous, borderline straight. The sort of gay who seeks refuge in gay bars and avoids any form of public affection when ‘out’ with a boy. The sort of gay who champions Facebook as the new Gaydar.SLB, who tires under the constant pressure to remain interesting was growing weary, but as the triumvirate pulled up at, not SLB’s flat, but Tweedle Dum’s, the sexual energy increased…three-fold. So, as Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee lead the way inside, SLB brought up the rear as it were.Now, SLB, about as innocent as Gary Glitter, knew that he was here under the sole pretence of sex. A few shots of absinthe saw any inhibitions lowered roughly to where Tweedle Dee was now throwing his clothes on the floor. So SLB, thinking he was the male embodiment of Samantha from Sex and the City, launched himself into the experience with gay abandon.There really was no beating around the bush as, in a tangled mess on Tweedle Dum’s bed, the proceedings began. How one proceeds in such a situation, SLB doesn’t really know, but forgetting that three was a crowd for the moment, SLB mucked in.A bantam in the heavyweight world of the threesome, SLB was being slapped around by Tweedle Dum something chronic. He quite enjoyed it though. Tweedle Dee on the other hand was slipping in fingers where fingers had never been slipped in before. (Aren’t there rules about these things?) Infact, he wasn’t even entirely sure they were actually Tweedle Dee’s fingers. But again, he enjoyed it. Tweedle Dum also had the rather interesting habit of providing a running commentary of the action as it unfolded, and folded once more. Whatever he did though made for an evening far more interesting than going home early in favour of Jonathan Ross and pack of digestives.All in all, SLB rather enjoyed his foray into polyamorous relations and might make the triple threat sexcapade a regular fixture of the future…