Chocolate Sauce, Lesbians, and A Bed of Spinach

Was it just SLB, or were a lot of young, up-and-coming gays a bit too 'new age' these days? Too sensitive? A little heavy on the gay side of metrosexual?

Organic gays (Gays love a subculture) attend Flash Mobs; they go to festivals with names like 'Earthdance', and talk in terms of “exchanging energy”. They are likely to delete their Facebook accounts (and their Christian names), convert to Buddhism and backpack around the world on a budget of 20p. SLB knows all of this because he went on a (gasp!) date with one this week. SLB half expected Alex to turn up in flip-flops, with goats in tow and carrying half a bottle of chocolate sauce (for spreading across SLB later, probably).

SLB, a raging hedonist at the best of times, found Alex's minimalistic lifestyle a bit too hard to stomach at first. That, and the pretentious portion of boiled chicken on a bed of spinach leaves. SLB swears that had Alex whacked out a copy of Max Ehrmann's Desiderata and started reciting poetry to SLB, he would have been out of there faster than a whore's jaws in Amsterdam. But, for the sake of mass consumerism, SLB wanted a Valentine, and actually, it ended up being the most perfect evening. After a brisk stroll along Southbank (slight cringe) and a dirty slice of pizza (vegetarian for Alex) in Leicester Square, Alex paid for a taxi back to his loft studio flat that he rented off a lesbian couple...in Shoreditch. Of course.

The place smelled of incense and the sex was good. Good, not great. Alex, for all his tree-hugging, Earth-loving, whale-saving, tofu-eating goodness was hardly practised in the art of “love making” and didn't even clean himself up after the sex! That's not minimalistic. That's just lazy. SLB wasn't sure how to handle the situation (at least offer a shower or a towel...or anything!) but soon fell asleep anyway.

The next morning, Alex read SLB's tarot and told him that their souls were due to be aligned for about the next seven years or so, and that SLB was a very passionate, sensual “love-maker”. That's the problem with these 'new age' boys and their crazy ways, they just say what they are thinking. SLB responded by saying that he didn't think he was “feeling it”anymore and would it be OK if he left now?

Then he went and ordered a double skim latte on soy (no cream) with Zoey and got on with life. After all, that was the 'new age' thing to do, right?

Love and light.