The Return

Heathrow. 10.13am. Wednesday the 7th of January, 2009. Slutty London Boy (SLB) made his way through the throngs of people at the terminal. It was the new year and people from all walks of life were converging at the airport after various summer sojourns the world over. SLB was returning to London after three months work in Brazil.

Since leaving the country in September, the intervening months had seen Queen of Pop, Madonna split with her money-grabbing, whiskey-drinking, beige-wearing ex, Guy Ritchie; G.A.Y. move to Heaven, snow fall in October, and lots of hot, wild, animal sex. SLB also had his fair share of sexual encounters with South American men of varying nationalities too. And while keen to elaborate on said encounters, what goes on in South America, stays in South America.

SLB's flight home was immemorable to say the least, as he had already joined the mile high club several times. In fact, his platinum frequent flyer card was probably due for renewal. Mind you, it wasn't for lack of trying. It's just that young children and their putrid Peruvian parents hardly make for ideal tango partners, although, there was a rush of blood to the head on meeting a friendly Mexican called Roman. Sadly, Roman was bound for a different flight and SLB was bound for 12 hours of celibacy. Devastating.

Re-united with his friends back home – Starburst patiently waited with the luggage while Zoey (prize fag hag/bender friender) cashed in on her duty free alcohol and caught up with all SLB's gossip in a nearby cafe. The only gossip of note regarded Kaleb with a K. Readers will remember that SLB had left London amid a cloud of rumours that he had forsaken his slutty ways forever. Well, that was last year. That was the 2008 Slutty London Boy. Kaleb with a K had gone tits up the first week SLB was out of the country. The lack of mobile phone coverage and access to Facebook was just too much for Kaleb with a K to bear. Thus, the romance had petered out before it had ever really begun. Kaleb with a K had had a profound effect on SLB though, and it had taken him a good two weeks to get over the trauma and get back on the proverbial horse. And get back on, SLB certainly did. The saying is 'There are plenty more fish in the sea', for a reason, so, striding through those arrival gates this morning, SLB was ready to take on the new year, metaphorical jodhpurs in place and whipping stick at the ready. Yes, SLB was back in London and back in business. To horse!