The 'Ex' Thing (Part I)

SLB used to think it was all or nothing. That once you'd broken up with someone, that was it. You were either in love, or you didn't speak. No blurred lines.

Joe with a flute polarised SLB. SLB had taken to bursting into tears on the Northern line thinking about Joe, and yet when they met up for the obligatory post-relationship drunken night out and ended up going home together, SLB was the happiest he'd been in months...

In a vain attempt to drown this sentimental behaviour, SLB and friends went out to the Vauxhall Tavern. Everyone loves cheap and cheerful once in a while. And SLB's celebrity status wasn't elevated too high not to allow him a certain degree of anonymity whilst on a night out with friends. Everyone doesn't love a night that turns to shit because people are feeling tired, there are no fit men in sight and only 3 people on the dance floor. Was it just too much to ask to be at home with your multi-talented, multi-lingual, Oxbridge educated, tall, handsome, musical, open-minded, well-travelled, popular boyfriend who would come to be your best friend and partner for life? Essentially, this was just a combination of Joe with a flute and Will, but why shouldn't he shoot for the stars?

Coming back through central London, the girls in the group suggested going to CXR in an eleventh hour bid for some semblance of 'gay clubbing', not realising that they had dragged SLB into what is probably the lowest of the low of gay venues in greater London. Staines included. SLB sensed a bad vibe as he walked in. Lecherous men from all walks of life were doing a good job in compounding SLB's fear that only 40 year old men found him attractive. These were the sort of men you would expect to masturbate in public or pull each other off in public toilets. Well, SLB was forced to both beat them and join them. And since he had been handed a bunch of lemons, he was simply making lemonade – on his knees in cubicle 4. Toilets. Hardly the most glamorous of places, but exhilarating all the same.

The whole evening had left him feeling blue again though. But that's the good thing about SLB: he would only feel blue until someone else came along. It's just that no one else had come along for quite a while...
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